heloo!

sorry fer nt updating.
lots of shits happened.
fuck man,

dissapointed with 2 people.
i dnt wish to elaborate uhhk.

i like someone,
but it's like so suddden.
aku rase aku giler. kay merepek.

and yes,i love ramdan stilll,alot like hell.
im still not over him.
ilove him.
believe it or not,
i cry everyday.
till now.'
haishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
stress uhhh..
i want him back reallyy.
but da tkleyy.
msged his mum,
asked how is she.
i wanna take one of his baju,
the mum asked me to asked auntie dilaa.
so yeaaaah,shud be can laa :)
and dan's mum asked me to cherish the times spent with dan to me.
i replied, i will always cherish those times :)

so yeaaah.
end of post.

i love you mohammad ramdan bin ahmad rafie
you go too soon :(

PEOPLE,
i still cnt get over him yet :(
eventhough he's gone.
cnt help it.

why must u leave me?
why must u go,when i still need you in my life?
why must u do this to me?

iknow iknow, it's already fated,
but this obstacle is too much for me.
never in my life,i've loved a guy so much.

i regretted,leaving u alone,
cos i knw, im th only person u got
to share your problems with.
and im nt happy with your frens tht even encourage
you to take th wtv merepek things, i'll find th devils soon ok.
senang2 per sia,korang da buat taik, nk lari,tk dapat uh siaaal.
aku tk puas hati selgi krg tk ddk dlm laa siaaa.
berani buat,berani tanggong, ccb,!

sebab korang, arwah amek ini bende,
kalau krg betol kwn, dah tepes laa ehh.
otak mati per krg,

dier angkat bukan sikit, 80.
krg nk dier mampos sgt per?
skrg dier da meninggal, happy?
tk yaa nk menyesal gy mampos nan krg,
sbb krg, aku tk dpt bersame dgn dier,
haishh,siakkk laa krg, pegi repent laaa.

i feel sad when i heard tht,
he said "aku syg dinah siaa,aku rase mcm aku ader jodoh nan dier"

tk sakit hati,
from wht i heard,
dier mataer nan pompan lain,actually,
dier tk syg org tu, no offence tauu.
ex2 ramdan, maafkan dier kayyyy.
dier syg aku.

to all the people who knws ramdan,
friends or foes,

pls, maafkan dier,
halalkan mkn,minom dier.
doakan dier,
thank u soo much :)

i cnt lie, i love him so much,
but he go first before me.
i cnt do anything.
i cried everyday,
prayed for him,
wanting to see him in my dreams.

mark my words,
it will take a veryveryveryveryvery lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time,
to get over him.
sedangkan aku aru break nan dan tkleyy move on,
whatmore if he leaves this world.
haishhhhhh.
siaksiakk.
aku stress musibot tol laaa.

hello :D

so yesterday went to yishun to lpak.
heh.
ayu and ziela fetched me a bustop :)
thanks guys!

so lpak2
talked abt arwah dan,
got to knw tht.
the last word he said before he go was,
"dinah.."
i wanted to cry, i didnt ,staying strong,
well, im going to cry now hahaha,
lek dinahh.
and they said tht a day or two before
dan was admitted to the hosp,
dier dudok s11,
took out my gmbr and told his friends
"aku syg dier"
:(

he really wants to see me.
too bad,da terlambat dinah.
bodoh uh lagyy kauu.

when i stepped in yishun ayu dah mcm,
kau dtg trs angin kuat siaa.
mcm lain mcm ajer.
i just smiled,
i knw dan's watching over me,
:)
i feel sad suddenlyy,
when i sang lagu meandramdan lasttime,
when i sang and sebot name dan, angin ribot laa siaaa.
was abt to cry,ayu told me torelax haha.
and yeaaa,dan told them tht im the only person he
cn turn to when he got any problems.

so bobal2 nan bdk2 s11,
ard 915 went bck,took 969,
lpak at 832 jap,
sumer jln gy rumah aku, nk ton,
haha.
mariam and manje sleep at my hse.
ard 1 we tonned,
they are like 10 pluspeople,
kecoh haha,.
tonned at treehouse.
played games.
and lastlyy, my bestfriend apin came!
hhaha. wah ader prob aru nk jumper aku.babi.
hahaha. jkjk.
apin,kau lekk jer, lm confirm per, dnt worry,
aku kan ader,lehh tlg kau kayyy.tkmu fikirkan sgt laaa sial. XD
ITU LAA TKNK DGR CKP AKU KANNNNN MUSIBOT!

blabla went back ard 6 plus.
slept till 2,
then ahdog,zuff,fathin,fyro
dtg,pehh memekak,
trs nk tknk bgn laa dari beauty sleep aku,
sebokk uhh krg kejot aku. cb.

tgh sedap2 seyy tido,
abeh tickle aku,
FANTASTIC -.- aku dah laa tklehh kene tickle sikit,
hahaha.

mkn,smoked,
comp haha dahh :)

kay aku nk berak. byee. hehe

ps:
arwah Ramdan,
im weak without you,
i want u by my side,
but it's not gonna happen.
i really prayed to god,
to let me see u in my dreams.
wait for the dream laa eh,
ilove u!

heloo!

so yeaaaaaahh,
today will be slacking at 832 fer awhile,then slacking
yishun :D
YEAY!
haha, miss ya guys alot man,
sorry for mia-ing,
it's my fault, really.
paiseyy uh nk trn, :(
soryy tau guys!
so todayyy i'll make it up to u guys,
we cn talk2!
hehe,
i mis u guys,seriously,
especially pypy,ayu and s11 peeps :D
maafkan aku ye, haha
going to c u guys ltr!
yezza!
hehe.

kay people,gtg. byeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

i miss  arwah dan :(

the most i cn do is to pray for u,
well,i prayed fer u everyday :)
i love you.
be happy there,
im sure we'll meet again soon,
yeapp,we will.

kay. im veryveryvery full haha. random. bored! hahaha. i miss everyone. ESPECIALLY FTW,832 :( SORRY FTW FOR PAITAOING HAHA, KINDA BUSY WITH KENDURI AND YEAA IM UNDER DEPRESSION .HAIYAA. MAKE IT UP TO U GUYS SOON OKAYYY and btw, aku mls nk update. iloveramdann! :( FUCK MAN!

so basically,
lepaked as usual yesterday.
waited for safiah yest kat civic
mcm org giler.
3.30 till 5 -.-
hahaha.
cs we're meetin comet and mayat kat civic,
aku check kt civic ni due ekor pon tkder,
then trs aku gerak 832 haha

lepak2.
blabla.
ard 7 gytu jumpe mama
pat banquet,haha
mintak duit mkn wooooo.
aku jumper mak ak.
ramai siaaa ikot hahahaha
kelakar uh krg.

mkn pt mc then jln g 832.
terserempak ijah and kateq
they ajak me to tman go civic
saw mum and cik rina there,
haha aper lagyyy kpo2 jap uhh,
and talked abt arwah ramdan, :(
mum's realll sad haishh.
cik rina said tht dan's very sweet,
alaahai mestilaa. :))

then gy 832,
saw comet and hakim haha. aru nk dtg per
saw bia jgk!
haha,
dino mabok.bodoh, -.-

go vista beli rokok,
then alek.
comp.
tido. dahh
mendaq eh,'
so today ader kenduri.
mls. kene lecture,
meh sini aku lecture krg dulu psl aku, :)
ni mesti org smpaikan ehh kat family aku,
smpaikan uh.
sbbb i dnt give a shit abt it.
ni hidop aku,
not yours.
so back offfffff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mind ur own business,
nk talk bad psl aku bobal dpan muke aku,
tkkan takot kan,
aku daripade tk tunjok kurangajar aku, dah tertunjok da ni.

and bby,,
imissyou,
raaaaaaaammdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and yeaaa, his death is because of me. sadlyy.

you guys wanna knw something?
im getting crazier everydayy.
im depressed,
no one cn really understand wht im feeling right nw,
dan commit suicide because of me.!!
he gave up on me alreadyy.
im bad,very bad.
cos i knw, when he's with me,im the person
he'll always turn to.
to give him advice,
and when he broke up with me,
he did alot of stupid things,
he told me before you knww,
he started being active in gangterism, take drugs,
so everything's because of me.if i didnt left him,
this will never happen,
im stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you gus knw wht,
for this few months when i said i move on,
i didnt,
it's a lie.
cos i thought i cn live without him,
but i cnt.
u guys cn read my archives, and from there,
u guys cn see,how much he mean to me,
how much i lve him.

i knw he' gone,FOREVER.
people,spare me some thoughts laa.
i cnt move on just like tht,i seriously cnt,
i knw he's happy there, so let me suffer here.
i've gone through alot when im only 14.pathetic siaa.
it's easy for u guys to tell me wht to do,
but first, let me ask u guys wht will you guys do when ure
in my shoes?? tell me uhh.. atleast i didnt even think abt committing suicide or
taking drugs,remember tht,
i dnt knw if it's gonna take forever uhh.'
time will tell okayyyyyyyyy.
:D

SO yest asked auntie abt dan.
got to knw,
dan told is mum abt me.
not a little.
alot u knwww.
now, auntie's veryvery sad,she told me tht,
anak seyyy, haishhh.
auntie msged me this.
"thanks to u too for giving my son a chance to love and to be love."
tht msg made me burst into tears. :(
i got really nice mak and bpk mentue siull.
haha. but too bad,
me and ramdan tkder jodoh, :(

bye aku streesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
i'm crying everyday fyi.

heloo.
so basically
i lepak as per normal today haha

gahhhhhhhhhh
RAMDAN imy syg. :(

i want to have one of ur shirt, :(
haishhh.

"ingin ku ulang hari,ingin ku perbaiki
kau sgt ku butuhkan,beraninya kau pergi dan tak kembali"

ramdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!

asl kene tinggalkan dinah.
u knw i love youuuuuuuuu.

i knw ure watching over me right now.
i hope ure happy seeing me at ur hme yest,
and prayed for u.
:(

heloo.
yest went to arwah dan's kenduri,
since auntie(dan's mum) asked me to go,
she also said tht,
"come ya dear,mudahan2 dan hapi tgk dinah dtg"
trs sedeh siaaa aku,
the kenduri starts at 8 ,and it's like 7.30.
trs alek siaaa aku lari.
for th sake of ramdan, i'll do anything,

so trained and took cab.
sampai sane, paisey since tkder kwn2 dan ,ader 2 ajer,
and adek sedare dn,amirul,haha
step malu2 padahal pena jumper,

so i went in th hse,
the family was like
ni dinah eh? i was like yeapp.
auntie dila(dan's aunt) told them th story laa,
but th thing is,he loves to talk abt me to his family members.
how sweet.
then they asked me to go to dan's room,
they asked me to take out the sketchbook i gave him on our 6th monthsary,
he hid it under a cupboard haha.
on top of the book ader one piece of paper ,he wrote abt how he met me.
and the family dier pon told me tht,mane2 dier pegi mesti ader my photo in
his beg,yeap it's true, saw it in his beg.
he pasted it on a piece of paper,and at th back he wrote "DINAH 080209" nanges siaa aku
nenek dan asked me nt to take my pic alek,cos she wants to buat
kenangan, awwwww, and also my sketchbook.
dan;s family gave me a phto of him.

th nenek told me abt how she realised dan was unconcious,
when mulot dier dah berbuih.
they asked me to be strong,
lepas tu went ot frm th room utk start bace2 uh.
saw dan's father. veryvery nice :)
after bace2, mkn, ramdan's dad amekkan roti,put for me the lauk,
amekkan ayam,amekkan air,amekkan kuih,tambahkan aku.wah, mcm princesss.
then nenek ckp"kalau tk dier dah jadi menantu kauu" to arwah dan's dad and i just laughed,
the dad was like " skrg tk leh jadi menantu,kene laan dier btol2"
then all of them laughed.
dan have a great family. :)
after tht i wanted to go back,nenek asked me to
wait cs she wants to bungkus for me makanan,
the family members also asked me to
pray fr him, and yes i will.

trn bwh blk dan jer,i read th piece of paper and cried, aiyoyo,
walked frm th blk till int sampai rumah dah uh,

kay im boredd bye! :D

PS: people, i dnt move on,i MOVE ALONG. it's wong to move on.
if u ferget tht person who died entirely,
saper nk doakan dier, sape nk tgk kubor dier,
THINK. it's veryvery easy for u guys to ask me to move on,
try imagine wht u guys will do when u guys experience this things,
and to be true, im depressed,but i tell myself not to destroy myself,
i didnt take drugs, slash myself, suicide and stuffs,
cos i knw,everything happens for a reason.
:)
from wht i knw, i will take a long time to actually MOVE ALONG.
cs i love him still.

bye. :DD

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